Once again we're up to a Q/A session with someone who frequents the places I do. Now, while most of the questions are directed towards me, this one is directed against me, that is to say, it's more of a judgement than a true question.
Phrased as nicely as possible the question becomes: "Arc, how can I tell you're not really a pedophile? You voluntarily chose to commission these pictures, and have on at least one occasion referred to it as your fetish. So are you really as noble as you say you are?"
This is probably the most difficult question to answer, since no matter what I say, the answer's not gonna sound good. Thing is... it's complex, but yes, I do take time to... appreciate the works in this collection.
Now, that doesn't mean I automatically qualify as a pedophile. I take time to appreciate works of adult women as well. I usually don't find enjoyment in pictures of real children, but I find plenty of enjoyment in real life women. And I actually do find my own enjoyment in pictures of boys.
However, I can't really stand sexual pictures. Often times when I peruse the resources I gather my pictures from, I have to sort out several cases of bad examples, and if I think for a moment a picture is too sexual, then it's not getting saved. In fact, the original purpose of the archive is exactly as it sounds: an archive, to say a picture is worthy of being preserved. Any picture I don't save is essentially being sent the message to let it die if the server crashes, or the website it's stored on deletes it.
Innocent nudity is more of a turn-on than gratuitous nudity, and that's reflected in my enjoyments of certain pictures over others. I also get better enjoyment out of pictures with... certain anatomical details if the details are not very detailed. Like, black dots and a line, or just a pair of circles for boys, that stuff. I don't like my little girls to be seductive. Inviting, but not seductive, sort of a "come on in!" rather than soliciting for anything.
Now does this sort of diminish my message? Hardly! On the secret society I went to, the people there were a combination of crusaders and appreciators, and plenty of them enjoyed young boys, too, provided they were cute. A lot of this also has to do with my upbringing; I was subjected to Dexter's butt a lot as a kid, and just before my teenage years I saw the PPGs naked in some fanart that cemented embarrassment.
In many ways, I'm a collection of things from growing up that affected me in big ways. Some major things that get to me are Reverse Transformation (turning from a monster, animal, or anything else into a nude human), Embarrassment, Public Nudity (in the sense that the person has to hide and get to a spot where they can find clothing without being seen), and losing clothing one by one. Those were things I saw a lot of in my childhood, and they impact me even today. It's sort of like a guy getting turned on by inflation or feet after seeing enough episodes of Dexter's Lab.
I'm still doing this for a good cause, though. I feel boys have already had enough time in the spotlight, and perhaps girls can do the job just as well. If anything, it might possibly reduce the amount of mental cases like me, since when an outlet is provided, kids don't have to stumble across porn sites to get that question answered.
So am I a pervert? Only slightly. Does that mean I'm doing this for my own ulterior motives? No. Does that mean I can't appreciate what I receive? Hardly! I'm sure some people somewhere understand, and can explain it better, but just know that this is both business and pleasure.
Huh. This got suddenly mature. Better put it as NSFW just in case.